The Queen “Sick of everyone bitching behind her back” says aide. The Supreme Court ruled that Boris Johnson misled the Queen by asking her to suspend Parliament. It’s not the first time Johnson has committed such an atrocity. The Queen recounted another, more recent occasion, “Boris Johnson said in this quiet little voice, which is unusual for him, pompous oaf, he said “idiot Queen say what”. Now, one did not hear what he said, so replied “What”. Well! As a result, everyone is out there once again chatting about how he misled me. How humiliating.” Boris Johnson hasn’t apologised or expressed regret over his actions. Sources in Parliament say he doesn’t even remember meeting that random old lady with the shiny hat. The Queen’s neutral role requires she takes the advice of the Government in power. The Queen is unable to act of her own accord, and it is reported that she is content with that arrangement. She added, “It’ll be a ceremonial role they said, next thing I know they, parliament, whoever, all meet in this big fancy building in London and talk about me. Say it to my face next time, bring it.” Former Conservative prime minister Sir John Major commented after the judgement that “no prime minister must ever treat the monarch or Parliament in this way again”. As he stuck up for the Queen when she wasn’t even there, Sir John Major is expected to be recognised for his statement in the Queen’s Honours, with the title “A solid lad” to be bestowed upon him. The Palace has stayed silent in the wake of the Supreme Court ruling. The Queen tweeted last night “Who can blame me for wanting to hide away with a large bottle of Strawberry Lambrini and my monthly subscription to Horse and Hound?” Queen facing six months to a year, for unlawfully suspending her Parliament. The recent five week suspension of the UK Parliament is unlawful, Scotland’s highest civil court has ruled. And as the final endorser of the Government’s prorogation proposal, Her Majesty could be looking at a custodial sentence, once someone clever works out what laws have been broken, by whom and what the sentencing guidance should be. A panel of three judges at the Court of Session found in favour of a cross-party group of politicians who were challenging the prorogation. “Constitutionally, this presents a few constitutional problems, for our unwritten Constitution”, constitution law expert, Colin Constitution QC stated, “For example, should the Monarch be incarcerated, Her Majesty could effectively be held in one of Her Majesty’s Prisons, at Her Majesty’s pleasure” The UK government said it will appeal against the ruling to the Supreme Court in London. “Her Majesty has effectively suspended herself and will have to unsuspend herself for Her Majesty’s Supreme Court to act”, our tame QC added, “Indeed, as Queen’s Counsel, I shouldn’t even be giving this advice”. The Queen agreed to the Prorogation on the advice of the Prime Minister. “Smart move”, legal expert Colin Seemeonskynews, concluded “It will be down to the Prime Minister to prove that Her Majesty was dim-witted enough not to work out his real intentions, despite every political analyst, seeing through his thin veil of lies, in using a prorogation as strategy to avoid scrutiny of his Brexit negotiation efforts. A strategy originally proposed during the Tory Leadership elections in June/July.” The Supreme Court is due to commence review of the Scottish Court of Session next Tuesday (17-SEP). Leader of the House of Commons, Jacob Rees-Mogg was quoted “We in Her Majesty’s Most Honourable Privy Council are confident that we have acted lawfully, have successfully passed the buck onto Her Majesty and will successfully overturn this decision once reviewed by a proper English Court, made up of twelve proper judges, from Her Majesty’s House of Lords. Especially as they are keeping a seat warm for me on the red benches”.