Frame Control Gone Wrong: 5 Common Conversation “Frames” That Kill Attraction
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Frame Control Gone Wrong: 5 Common Conversation “Frames” That Kill Attraction

October 13, 2019

when it comes to conversations with
girls there are five very common mindsets that guys fall into that really
destroy your ability to attract women my name is Stephan Erdman – I used to be the
shyest guy on earth and then I just had enough and I learned and learn the
developed stuff that helped me to become more outgoing more confident around
women and in the process I started then to share that stuff and now I’ve been
helping thousands of guys to do the same and if you haven’t subscribed yet to
this YouTube channel make sure you do and click the notifications button as
well if you want to get instant notifications about when I upload new
videos so when it comes to conversations what do you want well you want to be
that effortless guy that just knows what to say the things just come out of your
mouth and everything just makes sense right you want to be able to vibe with a
girl you want to feel effortless and you want to feel like she’s getting more
attracted to you in the process rather than more turned off or bored and how
many times have we been in conversations when you start off and it’s obvious that
she likes you and after a minute or two she sort of changed her mind and you can
see her eyes glazing over and she just did you know excuses herself and
disappears if this happens to you frequently its most likely that you’re
falling into one of these five mindsets or maybe two or three or four even five
of them at most times now the first one used to be my default mindset around
women and it’s the following trying to get her to understand that I am
different from the other guys okay try to get her to understand that I’m
different from the other guys what’s the problem with this it stops you from
actually expressing yourself and expressing a personality when a woman
can feel that you’re trying to show a certain side of yourself that you know
you are working on in order for her to see you in a certain way it already
screens to her that you’re not being authentic so you’re better off actually
being a hundred percent you unfiltered you’re also basically saying that you’re
not confident enough to just be yourself and that you feel that you have to make
special provisions and love her like you so if you catch yourself
thinking like this stop it the second mindset I used to slip into a
lot and a lot of guys I noticed this a lot is to try to entertain her just
become the best entertainer around you know being the funny guy making women
laugh I guess at the time I heard somewhere that women get attracted to
funny guys so they actually true really but yeah
women love to laugh and I’d love you to have a sense of humor but it’s a little
bit different than just giving joke after joke after joke and in the process
you’re kind of burning yourself out what happens is usually then you have a funny
routine you’re making some jokes and then in a way you’re basically creating
this vibe that she’s gonna sit back you can get entertained and in the process
she’ll find you funny but she won’t find you attractive
so that also is a no-go and it ends up basically ruin your vibe because you
feel more and more performance anxiety because at some point you’re rubbing out
of jokes and since you’re not a stand-up comedian it’s not gonna last very long
and then BOOM what do you do then the third really useless mindset is when
you’re trying to impress her and I guess to some level we all want to slip into
that right trying to impress a girl and that’s when you’re thinking oh what
can I say that will make her think that I’m a cool guy
that can turn women off faster than anything in fact what you want to do is
do you really want to get a little bit of a vibe going that she might feel that
she needs to impress you right now I want you to know that trying to impress
a girl is not a viable strategy and it really kills attraction in the
conversation that makes you come across as needy it takes away all the power and
it really just kills the vibe between the two of you it stops you also from
basically showing your real personality and expressing yourself freely but forth
really unhelpful mindset is this sort of like the interview style mindset you
know and that’s well-intentioned you’re trying to show that you are interested
in her you’re trying to find out about her you see so many blog posts
especially written by women for some magazine or something that say yeah ask
a girl questions we love talking about ourselves and there’s nothing wrong with
that but what guys then basically do is they ask a question so how was your day
and and she says something and then they
don’t know what to say next so they asked us so where did you go to school
and they’re hoping for something that they have in common that they can talk
about and then if they find something like a movie then they talk about that
movie it for a little bit and and then they run out of things to say and they
ask another question it’s one of those tactics that women sniff out straight
away as neediness that somebody’s insecure that they can’t really do what
they feel like in the moment they just ask questions they’ve learned this one
trick in the book and therefore they just think oh this is gonna keep me safe
if I just ask questions it will keep me safe that’s how it comes across to women
and the fifth mindset is basically what I would call like the pickup artist
mindset that’s when you’ve learned a few things about how to pick up women and
you’ve learned that you have to use tactics to get women to get attracted to
you like push and pull or you know that you have to qualify her a little bit and
you go through these things a little bit in your head while you’re talking to her
and you get so self involved with all of your tactics and techniques that you
basically completely forget what’s happening you don’t know what’s going on
really in front of you you’re missing glaring signs about her that you’re not
seeing because you’re so in your head I hope that when people have my program
for example to pimp your lingo Bron’s conversation skills program there is a–
maybe a time when you go through a phase when you practice a technique but it’s
really important that you don’t practice like five techniques at the same time
the techniques are there to give you freedom in the long term and not to kind
of constrain you to starting to think that you have to do these things all the
time yeah so bear in mind that if you’re just learning about how to talk to women
and you’re learning some techniques for me for example don’t fall into this
habit of like constantly thinking I have to do this I have to do this I have to
do this rather than actually listening to what’s happening and being there in
the moment and feeling strong and free and expressive and uncensored if there’s
one thing you need to be able to do with all of these things is to be uncensored
you know stop censoring yourself now if you fall into these traps right now you
might think well how do I get rid of them right so I have
a sneaky sneaky thing that I wanted to do with you see I’ve made a video a
while ago that contains what is to me the simplest trick the simple strategy
that you can possibly employ to basically undercut these five frameworks
or mindsets in conversations it’s on my website and in order to see it you’ve
got to sign in and give me your email address and you’ll also join my email
newsletter that’s my sneaky strategy of getting you to check out by email
newsletter do you want to check it out it’s going to give you the secret to
eradicating these five frameworks or mindsets in your head when you talking
to women you’re gonna get updates that completely relevant to you becoming a
great conversationalist with women and being able to just fly with women better
and just be be great at talking to women go ahead and do it right now there’s a
link in the description follow it and I see you there

Only registered users can comment.

  1. Hello Stephan. I love your videos, but yet I haven't found advice about this: How can I make a girl that used to like me, to like me again? I made a mistake with a friend I like that made me look needy and now I want to fix my relationship with her… Please help me with this one.

  2. But what to do when I encounter the typical feminist, that already is looking to destroy the man who talks to her? It comes down to this that i cannot do anything: impress, or joke, or something else. Everything is wrong. I cannot ask questions, I cannot talk about a movie, it is called needyness. So also pickup artist type of things is not good. So nothing is left. And if there was something, that would end up being to " standard". So is there anything i can really do, except by following your payed program? My answer is not to talk to women, but let them talk to you. It is only the bad boy that does not listen to women, and ignores them, that get them nowadays. This only relates to western "modern" women, you can simply ignore. Go for the women from the far east, or other places where they are not feminist or "modern western".

  3. What should you do when you start talking to a girl, and then she starts to lose interest and you can tell. Should you keep plowing? Or just give up and ignore her as well?

  4. Getting their name wrong was a killer… Or three in a row in front of all three, geeez that was a hard learning curve.

  5. There's a lot of dating or pickup advice out there about all the things guys should do to keep a woman interested in you. A lot of work for guys, yet, where is the burden of responsibility for women to keep the guy interested in her? Don't guys deserve to take the passenger seat sometimes? Oh, sorry, I forgot, you're supposed to be the "alpha male" who leads the interaction. So, no, you can't relax. If women had to do the work there wouldn't be much of a reason to make dating advice products. You see how it all works out for itself? The industry is designed to make sure that there is always a reason to keep making money out of it. You take a back seat, and there's less money.

    Really, all you need to do is find a woman whom you get along with really well. Someone who is interested you, laughs at your jokes and enjoys your company. It's difficult now with smartphones and social media apps; everyone is fixated on the screen instead of interaction with real people in the outside world. Sounds old fashioned? So what! Plus, following too much dating advice makes things worse for you, not better. Too much knowledge makes you confused. Don't be so self-absorbed.

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