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God Weighs In On Trump’s Religious Liberty Executive Order

February 14, 2020


OH, DONALD TRUMP WAS IN NEW YORK
CITY TONIGHT. THE BIG APPLE, THE BIG APPLE GOT
A VISIT FROM THE YU GGE ORANGE. START SPREADING FAKE NEWS. HE ATTENDED A CEREMONY
COMMEMORATING THE 75th ANNIVERSARY OF THE BATTLE OF THE
CORAL SEA ABOARD THEU SS INTREPID, AN AIRCRAFT
CONSIDERRIER TURNED MUSEUM. IT IS PERMANENTLY DOCKED IN THE
MUD AT 44th STREET, OR AS TRUMP WOULD SAY, IT IS HEADING
TO NORTH KOREA AS I SPEAK. STEAMING RIGHT OUT, WHOOO WHOOO. BUT BEFORE HE CAME IT TO NEW
YORK, TRUMP SIGNED ANOTHER EXECUTIVE ORDER. THIS ONE SUPPOSEDLY ABOUT
RELIGIOUS LIBERTY.>>TODAY MY ADMINISTRATION IS
LEADING BY EXAMPLE AS WE TAKE HISTORIC STEPS TO PROTECT
RELIGIOUS LIBERTY IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. (APPLAUSE)
WE WILL NOT ALLOW PEOPLE OF FAITH TO BE TARGETED, BULLIED OR
SILENCED ANY MORE. TZ UNLESS YOU’RE A MUSLIM THEN
STEVE BANNON’S GIVING YOU A SWIRLY. LOCKER ROOM BAPTISM. AMONG OTHER THINGS, THIS
EXECUTIVE ORDER RELAXES ENFORCEMENT OF RULES BARRING TAX
EXEMPT CHURCHES FROM PARTICIPATING IN POLITICS. NOW A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE UPSET
BECAUSE THEY’RE AFRAID RELIGION IS GOING TO HAVE TOO MUCH
INFLUENCE ON POLITICS. BUT I GO TO CHURCH. AND HERE’S THE THING AM I’M
AFRAID IT’S GOING TO GET POLITICS ALL OVER MY RELIGION. WE DON’T WANT OUR CHURCHES TO
END UP LIKE CONGRESS WITH ALL THE DEMOCRATS IS THING ON ONE
SIDE OF THE PEWS AND ALL THE REPUBLICANS ON THE OTHER. SOMEBODY WILL FILIBUSTER THE
OURER FATHER AND IT WILL BROADCAST ON THE HOLY– HOLY SEA
SEE SPAN. BUT MAYBE GOD WANTS IT THIS WAY.>>NO WAY, STEPHEN, NO WAY.>>Stephen: GOD, IS THAT YOU,
HEY, IT’S GOD, EVERYBODY.>>YES, YES, HI THERE. HI, EVERYBODY. GOD IS IN THE HIZY. ACTUALLY I’M EVERYWHERE, I’M
OMNI PRESENT. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO.>>Stephen: SO GOD, YOU DON’T
THINK CHURCHES SHOULD BE MORE POLITICAL?>>OF COURSE NOT, POLITICS JUST
CONFUSES, ME, STEPHEN. I WAS SURE IT WAS GOING TO BE
JEB, JEB! SO COME ON, THE GUY IS A
FOUNTAIN OF CHARISMA.>>Stephen: I UNDERSTAND. SO YOU DON’T TALK AN ACTIVE ROLE
IN ELECTIONS.>>NO, I’M TOO BUSY DECIDING
IMPORTANT THINGS LIKE FOOTBALL. YOU GOT TO LOVE THAT TOM BRADY. THEY SAY THE MAN WAS MADE IN
GOD’S IMAGE BUT HAVE YOU SEEN HIS CHEEK BONES. I SHOULD BE SO LUCKY. I JUST DON’T LIKE KALE, THAT’S
WEIRD.>>Stephen: SO THEN HOW DO YOU
FEEL ABOUT TRUMP’S EXECUTIVE ORDER?>>WELL, NOT A BIG FAN OF
EXTOUGH ORDERS. THEY DON’T WORK. I TRIED TEN OF THEM ONCE AND
EVERYBODY IS STILL COVETING THEIR NEIGHBOR’S WIFE AND TAKING
MY NAME IN VEIN. BUT EVEN I DO THAT WHEN I BANG
MY KNEE ON THE COFFEE TABLE. ME, DAMMITY.>>Stephen: GOD, IF YOU HAD TO
CHOOSE, WOULD YOU GO DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN?>>OH, NEITHER, STEPHEN. ISN’T IT OBVIOUS BY NOW, I’M AN
ANARCHIST. DIDN’T YOU SEE HOW MANY FAST &
FURIOUS MOVE YEARS THERE ARE, COME ON, IT’S A SUB MARINE
CHASING CARS, IT’S CHAOS.>>Stephen: GOD, EVERYBODY. WE IS HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU,
THANK YOU, LORD. CHARLES BARKLEY IS HERE.
STICK AROUND. THANK YOU.

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