Innocent People Don’t Do Things Like This: Trump’s Ukraine Cover-Up Spills Into View
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Innocent People Don’t Do Things Like This: Trump’s Ukraine Cover-Up Spills Into View

October 23, 2019


WELCOME TO “THE LATE SHOW.” I’M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. IT HAS BEEN A HELL OF A WEEK. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
REALLY FAST, THINGS ARE HAPPENING. TO PARAPHRASE OUR PRESIDENT, THE
NEWS HAS BEEN MOVING ON US LIKE A BITCH. ( LAUGHTER )
A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE CELEBRATING BECAUSE DONALD TRUMP IS IN
SERIOUS TROUBLE, BUT TRUMP HAS SHOWN OVER AND OVER AGAIN THAT
WHEN HE’S CORNERED, HE’LL FIGHT LIKE THAT RABID WEASEL ON HIS
HEAD. ( LAUGHTER )
( PIANO RIFF ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
AND THE REPUBLICANS HAVE SHOWN THEY’LL GO ALONG WITH HIM NO
MATTER WHAT. SO THIS ISN’T GOING TO BE SO
MUCH LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL AS A LONG FALL DOWN A
DARK AND DIRTY PIT. ( LAUGHTER )
DARK AND DIRTY PIT! ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) THIS MORNING, THE HOUSE
INTELLIGENCE COMMITTEE RELEASED THE WHISTLEBLOWER’S COMPLAINT
ABOUT TRUMP AND UKRAINE. AND WHOEVER BLEW THIS WHISTLE
DOES NOT MINCE WORDS, STATING VERY PLAINLY THAT “I HAVE
RECEIVED INFORMATION FROM MULTIPLE U.S. GOVERNMENT
OFFICIALS THAT THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES IS USING
THE POWER OF HIS OFFICE TO SOLICIT INTERFERENCE FROM A
FOREIGN COUNTRY IN THE 2020 U.S. ELECTION.” ( AUDIENCE REACTS )
SOLICITING INTERFERENCE FROM A FOREIGN POWER TO INFLUENCE A
U.S. ELECTION. YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, “IF AT
FIRST YOU DO SUCCEED, TRY, TRY THAT AGAIN.” ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IT’S A SAYING. IT’S A SAYING. YOU CAN’T SAY TRUMP DIDN’T WARN
US, REMEMBER THIS EXCHANGE FROM JUNE.>>YOUR CAMPAIGN THIS TIME
AROUND, IF FOREIGNERS, IF RUSSIA, IF CHINA, IF SOMEONE
ELSE OFFERS YOU INFORMATION ON OPPONENTS, SHOULD THEY ACCEPT IT
OR SHOULD THEY CALL THE FBI?>>I THINK MAYBE YOU DO BOTH. I THINK YOU MIGHT WANT TO
LISTEN. I DON’T– THERE’S NOTHING WRONG
WITH LISTENING.>>STEPHEN: (AS TRUMP)
“THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH LISTENING. UNLESS YOU’RE LISTENING TO THAT
PHONE CALL I HAD WITH THE UKRAINIAN PRESIDENT, BECAUSE
WHAT PHONE CALL?” ( LAUGHTER )
“THERE WAS NO — PHONE CALL.” ( LAUGHTER )
THE WHISTLEBLOWER’S MAIN CONCERN WAS TRUMP’S PHONE CALL WITH
ZELENSKY, BUT THEY WERE ALSO CONCERNED ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED
AFTER THAT CALL. “IN THE DAYS FOLLOWING THE PHONE
CALL, I LEARNED FROM MULTIPLE U.S. OFFICIALS THAT SENIOR WHITE
HOUSE OFFICIALS HAD INTERVENED TO ‘LOCK DOWN’ ALL RECORDS OF
THE PHONE CALL. THIS SET OF ACTIONS UNDERSCORED
TO ME THAT WHITE HOUSE OFFICIALS UNDERSTOOD THE GRAVITY OF WHAT
HAD TRANSPIRED IN THE CALL.” (AS TRUMP)
“IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL CALL. IT WAS A PERFECT CALL. NO PRESSURE. NO QUID PRO QUO. NOW, TAKE IT AND BURY IT AT THE
BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN. PUT IT IN A LEAD CAPSULE AND
SINK IT DOWN INTO THE MARIANAS TRENCH, COVER IT IN CONCRETE,
THEN DIG IT UP AND SHOOT IT INTO THE HEART OF THE SUN. PERFECT.” “PERFECT CALL.” ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
PERFECT, PERFECT PERFECT — IN OTHER WORDS, WHITE HOUSE
OFFICIALS TRIED TO MOVE RECORDS OF PRESIDENT TRUMP’S EFFORTS TO
PRESS UKRAINE FOR DIRT ON JOE BIDEN TO A DIFFERENT COMPUTER
SERVER. AH HA? ( LAUGHTER )
A DIFFERENT COMPUTER SERVER? IS EVERYTHING TRUMP ACCUSES
SOMEONE ELSE OF IS SOMETHING HE’S DONE? ( LAUGHTER )
HE USED A SECRET COMPUTER SERVER, HE COLLUDED WITH
UKRAINE, HE PROBABLY CHEATED ON ROBERT PATTINSON. ROBERT, YOU CAN DO SO MUCH
BETTER! INNOCENT PEOPLE DON’T DO THINGS
LIKE THIS. THAT’S WHY PEOPLE HIDE THEIR
PORN ON THEIR COMPUTER IN FILES LABELED “VACATION PICS” INSTEAD
OF “PORN FOR LATER.” ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IT’S NEVER REALLY FOR LATER,
IT’S FOR NOW. ( LAUGHTER )
ACCORDING TO THE WHISTLEBLOWER, THEY HID A LOT OF STUFF THIS
WAY, BUT SOME ON THE RIGHT CLAIM THE WHISTLEBLOWER SHOULDN’T BE
TRUSTED BECAUSE THE INSPECTOR GENERAL WHO OVERSAW THE REPORT
FOUND REASON TO BELIEVE THAT THE WHISTLEBLOWER MIGHT NOT SUPPORT
THE RE-ELECTION OF MR. TRUMP. WELL, YEAH! ( APPLAUSE )
( APPLAUSE ) ( LAUGHTER )
BECAUSE HE KNOWS HE COMMITTED A BUNCH OF CRIMES! IT’S THE SAME REASON YOU DON’T
INVITE THE GUY WHO TRIED TO KILL YOU TO YOUR DINNER PARTY. “LOOK, FRANK, WE’D LOVE TO HAVE
YOU AND BRENDA OVER, BUT REMEMBER WHEN YOU STABBED ME IN
THE TRACHEA? I’M STILL HAVING TRUST ISSUES.” THE WHISTLEBLOWER’S COMPLAINT
DESCRIBES SEVERAL INSTANCES OF CLEAR QUID PRO QUO. FOR INSTANCE, THE WHISTLEBLOWER
SAYS, “MULTIPLE U.S. OFFICIALS TOLD ME THAT THE UKRAINIAN
LEADERSHIP WAS LED TO BELIEVE THAT A MEETING OR PHONE CALL
BETWEEN THE PRESIDENT AND PRESIDENT ZELENSKY WOULD DEPEND
ON WHETHER ZELENSKY SHOWED WILLINGNESS TO ‘PLAY BALL.'”
(AS TRUMP) “OKAY, UKRAINE. YOU GOTTA PLAY BALL, AND LET
ME GET TO SECOND BASE. OVER THE BRA, UNDER THE
CONSTITUTION.” ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) TRUMP REACTED TO HIS BAD NEWS
THE SAME WAY AS HE ALWAYS DOES, TWEETING. DEMOCRATS TRYING TO DESTROY THE
REPUBLICAN PARTY AND ALL IT STANDS FOR — BUT YOU BEAT HIM
TO IT. ( APPLAUSE )
NICELY DONE. “STICK TOGETHER AND PLAYS THEIR
GAME, FIGHT HARD, REPUBLICANS, OUR COUNTRY IS AT STAKE. DOES THAT MEAN FIGHT HARD
REPUBLICANS OR FIGHT, HARD REPUBLICANS. BECAUSE THERE’S A BIG
DIFFERENCE. I’M SURE ONE DOESN’T INCLUDE
WILBUR ROSS. THEY’RE PLAYING A GAME CALLED
PIN THE CRIME ON YOUR GENEROUS KIESTER. EVEN FOR DONALD TRUMP, THIS
MORNING’S TWEETS WERE OFF THE RAILS, LIKE THIS ONE — “IS
THERE AK SCORE IMPEACHMENT? ABSOLUTELY NOT. THERE IS NO HIGH CRIMES OR
MISDEMEANORS, NO TREASON, NO EXTORTION, NO TREASON, R.D. ROBERT RAY RESPECTED .” I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. FOX NEWS ACTUALLY IDENTIFIES
ROBERT RAY AS A “FORMER WHITEWATER INDEPENDENT COUNSEL,”
NOT A “RESPECTED.” “RESPECTED” ISN’T A TITLE, IT’S
JUST A DESCRIPTION. THAT’S LIKE CALLING ME
“STEPHEN T. COLBERT, AGING.” ( LAUGHTER )
NOW HE WHO WHISTLE BLEW SAYS HE LEARNED OF TRUMP’S ABUSE
OF POWER FROM MULTIPLE CONCERNED ADMINISTRATION OFFICIALS. TRUMP JUMPED ON THAT THIS
MORNING AT THE U.N. –>>WHO’S THE PERSON WHO GAVE THE
WHISTLE BLOWER INFORMATION? BECAUSE THAT’S CLOSE TO A SPY. YOU KNOW WHAT WE USED TO DO IN
THE OLD DAYS WHEN WE WERE SMART? RIGHT? WITH SPIES AND TREASON? WE USED TO HANDLE IT A LITTLE
DIFFERENTLY THAN WE DO NOW. ( AUDIENCE REACTS )
>>Stephen: SO HE’S SAYING IT WOULD BE BETTER IF WHY EVER
WHITE HOUSE INSIDER REVEALED HIS CRIMES WERE DEAD. THAT’S GONNA MAKE THE NEXT
ALL-STAFF MEETING INTERESTING. (AS TRUMP)
“HEY EVERYONE, MY GOOD FRIEND VLAD SENT US SOME FREE SUSHI. WHOEVER WANTS SOME, JUST
WHISTLE.” ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THERE’S A WORD IN THERE, A
COUPLE OF WORDS IN THERE. TRUMP’S ALREADY TURNED ON ONE
EMPLOYEE –>>THAT WAS THE SECOND
CONVERSATION– I THINK YOU SHOULD ASK FOR THE FIRST
CONVERSATION, ALSO. I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY
HAVEN’T. ALTHOUGH, I HEARD THERE IS A
RUMOR OUT THERE. “THEY WANT THE FIRST
CONVERSATION.” IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. IT WAS JUST A PERFECT
CONVERSATION. BUT I THINK YOU SHOULD DO THAT. I THINK YOU SHOULD ASK FOR VICE
PRESIDENT PENCE’S CONVERSATIONS, BECAUSE HE HAD A COUPLE OF
CONVERSATIONS ALSO.>>Stephen: WOW. ( AUDIENCE REACTS )
HE JUST THREW PENCE UNDER THE BUS. “MOTHER, HE’S BETRAYED ME! QUICK! TO THE ROOT CELLAR. THANK GOD WE STOCKED UP ON
EMERGENCY MAYONNAISE!” ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )

Only registered users can comment.

  1. If trump supporters start a civil war we just send in the troops and clean it up. Its a win win really. The IQ of the country goes up and many trailer parts are cleared out.

  2. Yes, Donnie beat the Democrats to destroying the Republikkkan Paty. He has done complete and total destruction of the GOP.

  3. Steven your so mean but funny . If he guilty which I doubt will see if he can be removed. Impeachments sounds like great idea but guess what these things very rarely happen.

  4. What an idiot, only in America I guess, 🤔 second thoughts not only America, we got our own hair challenged idiot in control too in brainless Brian Johnson. Posh nob.

  5. Republicans..take note..your captain is sinking the ship..time to bail or throw him overboard or all go down with him

  6. Why did Biden demand Ukraine fire a prosecutor that was investigating his son .
    Innocent people do not do those things .
    The prosecutor she was fired .
    Biden attached a female prosecutor for investigating his son and got her fired .

  7. lol im not even American and i find this funny the fact americans think that even if impeached trump will get kicked out of office he wont even if impeached he will still win 2020.

  8. Robert Mueller should be completely ashamed of himself. He could have saved us from this by just using a few different words.

  9. Members of Congress spend about half of their "working days" campaigning for the next election. Members of the Senate spend about 4 years catering to their sponsors and favored lobbyists, and then 2 years campaigning. During the first term, the President spends 2 years getting the staff together, meeting world leaders, and then work on the campaign for the next term begins.

    But with Trump, he spends 50% of his time tweeting, watching TV (Fox), and playing golf with the ultra-wealthy bastards who benefited from his tax cuts, and the rest of his time making phone calls to all kinds to cover up the tracks of all of his misdeeds.

    Great choice people.

  10. Trump said to Stephanopoulos that there was nothing wrong with listening…but Trump didn’t just listen he solicited Ukraine for help

  11. The entire government needs reset. Don't trust anyone with an agenda. Agendas are self serving goals that don't benefit anyone. This should be a government of the people. Like our forefathers intended. 🇺🇸🗽

  12. Colbert keep patting their heads and telling your merry band of SJWs and Liberals that everything is alright and orange man is going down. It's a win win, you get paid and we don't have to listen to the constant crying. Oh, nice job on trimming the Trump clip about Pence, your clapping seals really loved it.

  13. Can anybody explain to me the difference, in essence, between the people in Colbert's audience and they way they re-act to Colbert and how Trump supporters respond to Trump.
    You could argue that Trump is now a politician and Colbert is an entertainer but to my mind both these people are seeking the adulation and unconditional love of their audience much like people want from their pets.

  14. Does anyone realize the left blaming Trump for what Biden did?
    Another thing Adam Schiff for brains made up the entire conversation between Trump and Ukraine president before the transcripts came out.
    Make suggestion to all of you stop watching Colbert he proven idiot. The drive by media are left wing propagandist not one story they told is true.

  15. I can't wait for Colbert to get through talking about Trump corruption and do the Hillary Clinton interview. I don't really think that he is giving Hillary Clinton the respect she deserves. Anderson Cooper and Don Lemon always take the eyeglasses off to interview her and Colbert never does. Those frames are going to end up scratching her anal cavitie.

  16. Colbert, you're a pawn of the left. No mention of actual corruption with the Bidens. Trump is draining the swamp, and so is the DOJ.

  17. This show is so full of sht. cant believe you still on the air. YOU SUCK!!!! No one watches you and your buddy Jimmy. Rather watch Mash re-run watch

  18. There is no whistle blower another lie created by the same Hillary paid for corrupt people. This is just like the made-up Russia collusion hoax. The dems are desperate because they know none of their communist clowns can beat Trump. Just like al green says, if we don't impeach, Trump is gonna win 2020.

  19. I think, after Trump dies, Pence is going to write a tell-all book entitled: You Can't Stop Crazy – How I Survived the Trump Presidency.

  20. It's such a pity Trump's hands are too small to engage the double-caps symbols in tweets.

    –Dave, we'd HAVE to believe him THEN

    ps: and then, the twist ending to the all-staff meeting: they were ALL murderers!

  21. Throwing Pence under the bus as a partner in crime is a clever move (if that's possible from Trump). OK … there's little chance of the GOP senate upholding an impeachment from the house … but absolutely zero chance if that also takes down Pence and puts Nancy Pelosi in the Whitehouse.

  22. Meanwhile Rusia,china and Japan are leaving us dollars and start using rusian Rubles. This is just a distraction. Gotta do something.

  23. I hated voting for Hillary instead of trump, but my rationale was literally "we can endure waiting four more years of a lot easier loss in leadership" Hillary screwed up almost everything as Trump- but we literally have a president who has lost his mind,, so it's back to tons of money going towards finding out how to fix things that actually need fixing once again before we can make progress at the stupidest basic level – It's literally like our tax dollars are going to the most ridiculous unnecessary shit this country has ever seen – THAT TO ME means just plain stop this – because it is beyond clear our president is either lying or doesnt understand what is going pn, and it is wasting time and money as tax payers of this country to start paying to things that matter. He is just somebody who is waisting everybodies time and money and needs to go away, if we end up with someone else we have to put up with there is no way they would be violating their standards faster than they can lower them

  24. While it's clearly innocent for some to think that the state of today's American States is defined and represented by a couple of fake forgery bribed by National Treason TV shows, that always had all evidence of terror against national interests for ten years now but they only just remembered Salem…

  25. I don't know how many times I'll say this, before I finally shuffle off this mortal coil, but It Is Always About Projection On The Right. In fact, Projection may be their sole defense.

    Trump remains disappointed to discover that being President isn't equivalent to being God-Emperor.

  26. People can't even see that they are being played by these wonderful entertainers. Sending a CIA mole, who is also a Democrat to leak yet another Presidential conversation. Then labeling this mole as a whistleblower. It is insane that some of the American people lap this up. It's a parody, and that is about the only truth Mr Schiff has spoken. We got hardly a year and the next election. If Colbert is such a patriot, let him lay down his show and run for office. But please run on the east coast, California is already ruined.

  27. I think its super embarrassing when our president goes the the UN and in front so many world leaders and spends his time fighting against scandal. This is not the first he's had to do this. Seriously not a good look for America.

  28. Vacation pics is amateur security. Cultured people hide their porn in folders with the icon changed to a copy of Adobe Acrobat

  29. Trump…presidency is like a HORROR MOVIE…this guy have everyone screaming… each time he say and do something
    .! And the rest of World is laughing… of INEPTITUDE.

  30. whistleblower's in the white house ?? can't be, ether their spies or terrorists, and should be dealt with … eh ….. odd how the LateShow, and Stephen Colbert works with writers throwing POTUS under the bus almost every night …. trust me, Stephen Colbert is a "POS" …. Jack Parr, Johnny Carson, Dick Cavett, Jay Leno never used the POTUS as a ploy to cough-up more ratings, or turn the show into political "B/S", and as of today, POTUS has "NO" charges against him, just Dems allegations ….. eh

  31. So if they vote then magically the white household will just hand over the witnesses and documents and comply with everything ??? Yeah right ! They use every single little excuse possible ! Everything is always always completely opposite ! Truly unspeakable !

  32. It's like I always tell people: You aren't allowed to pay me money! You little B***h, I don't want your money, you broke loser. I bet you can't even pay me $500 dollars without it affecting you adversely. You're a tool, A tool who was programmed not to pay me money by people who are smarter and hansomer than you. It's funny to me. So go ahead and pay me money, I can't stop you, but I know your too much of a girly man to even fork over $200 dollars.

  33. Trump said there's nothing wrong with listening to a foreign government dirt on opponent's. This criminal conman and uneducated moron can't comprehend basic principles and laws but yet he'll say he's so smart. He can't pronounce words and can't read, he makes idiot decisions and is delusional as hell and so fucking corrupt.

  34. Our Country is at stake with Trump. The GOP need to fight like cats and dogs because Trumps Presidency is at stake.

  35. Trump has to be the stupidest person on the planet. He can't even complete a coherent sentence. Impeach this traitor.

  36. Imagine Trump coming out when all this shit is over and telling us it was all a ruse and now the swamp cleaning has begun.

  37. They weren't spying or committing treason. Trump is dumb enough to blabber on of what he does and he's the one committing treason for letting other countries interfere with elections.

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