Key & Peele – Auction Block
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Key & Peele – Auction Block

October 24, 2019


– ALL RIGHT,
Y’ALL GATHER ROUND.
GATHER ROUND.
WELCOME, GENTLEMEN. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL AND BLESSED DAY
FOR AN AUCTION. ALL RIGHT, Y’ALL,
GET ON UP THERE. – PUT THAT WHIP DOWN
AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS, THOUGH. – STRAIGHT UP. I DON’T CARE WHAT PLANTATION
I END UP ON. I’M STRAIGHT STAGING A REVOLT
IN THIS MOTHER[bleep]. – HELLS YEAH. – WE HAVE LOT A,
LOT B, AND LOT C. – UH, $3 ON LOT A.
– $4. – 5! – $5 GOING ONCE, TWICE,
THREE TIMES, SOLD. LOT A GOES TO THE MAN
IN THE BLACK HAT. – I MEAN, GOOD.
– YEAH. – [chuckles] I’M GLAD
I DIDN’T GET SOLD, ‘CAUSE I DON’T WANT TO BE OWNED
BY ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. – WHOEVER BUYS ME, THEY BETTER
KILL ME THE FIRST DAY, OR I’MA GO BUCK-WILD
ON THE WHOLE OPERATION. – OKAAY? – NEXT ONE,
GET UP ON UP THERE, NOW. – OH, THIS–OKAY. both: [inhale] – $6 ON LOT A. – $7!
– EIGHT. – 9! – $9 GOING ONCE, TWICE,
THREE TIMES, SOLD! both: [exhale] – OKAY, WELL,
YOU HAVE TO BUY THAT DUDE. – IT’S A NO-BRAINER.
– I MEAN, THAT GUY’S HUGE. – A MASSIVE INDIVIDUAL. – THAT’S TWO OF ME.
– ANYBODY WOULD BUY HIM. – I’D BUY THAT DUDE. – MY QUESTION IS
HOW’D THEY CATCH HIM? – NEXT! – OKAY. OH, YEAH.
– YEAH. – $2 ON LOT A. – $2 GOING ONCE, TWICE,
THREE TIMES, SOLD. – SEE, NOW,
THAT SURPRISES ME. – THAT IS INTERESTING,
TO SAY THE LEAST. – I MEAN, WELL, IT JUST SEEMS
LIKE AT A CERTAIN POINT, IT’S LIKE, DO THEY EVEN KNOW
WHAT THEY’RE LOOKING FOR? – IT’S LIKE
THE WHOLE CRITERIA SEEMS JUST A LITTLE
INCONSISTENT. – I MEAN, AT SOME POINT,
I WANT TO BE ON LOT A. – YEAH, WHICH
CAN A BROTHA GET ON LOT A? – NEXT. – OH, HERE WE GO.
– HERE WE GO. – BEEN A PLEASURE.
– GIVE ‘EM HELL. – ALL RIGHT.
– OKAY. – $8 ON LOT A. – GOING ONCE, TWICE,
THREE TIMES, SOLD! – HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?
– NOPE, NOT TRUE. – HOW DOES IT HAPPEN? – WHAT YOU JUST SAID–
THAT’S GOBBLEDYGOOK. OKAY? THAT CAN’T BE TRUE.
‘CAUSE WHAT CAN THIS DUDE DO? LOOK AT HIM.
WHAT COULD HE PICK? A COTTON PLANT
IS, LIKE, THIS TALL. – YES.
– I’M SAY– NO OFFENSE, BROTHA,
I’M JUST SAYING. – OFFENSE TAKEN.
– WHA–[gasps] AM I WRONG? IS HE NOT SHORT?
HE’S SHORT. BUT YOU ARE ACTUALLY SHORT
IN REAL LIFE, IN THE WORLD. – YOU’RE GOOD, MAN.
– ENOUGH. I WILL NOT HAVE
MY REPUTATION TAINTED, SELLIN’ SUPERFICIAL,
BIGOTED SLAVES. – SUPERFICIAL? DID THAT REALLY
JUST COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH? – THAT’S IT!
THIS AUCTION’S OVER! – AUCTION’S OVER?
– WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. NO, IT’S–IT AIN’T OVER.
IT’S NOT OVER! I’M STRONG, Y’ALL! I’M VERY STR–
I CAN SLEEP IN A BUCKET. – I’M FAST, I GOT STAMINA,
AND I KNOW MAGIC. – MY WORST QUALITY
IS THAT I’M A PERFECTIONIST. – LET ME MEN–
HAVE I MENTIONED THIS? DOCILE. I AM AGREEABLE
TO A FAULT. YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE DUDE
WHO ASKED ME TO GET ON THE BOAT WHEN WE CAME OVER HERE. – NOT A VIOLENT BONE
IN MY BODY. – I JUST WALKED RIGHT ON,
NO BIG DEAL. NEVER SEEN A BOAT
IN MY LIFE.

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  1. Subscribe to the new Key & Peele YouTube channel for all the classics as well as new-to-YouTube sketches: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdN4aXTrHAtfgbVG9HjBmxQ?sub_confirmation=1

  2. 90/10 90% of what they do is not funny. The other 10% is hilarious and will never get old. This skit is one of them. I could watch this over and over everyday. The last part is crazy funny.

  3. I came here mainly to read comments. So please keep them short and concise so that I can read as many as possible. Thank you….And oh, don't forget to like my comment after reading it. Thanks again๐Ÿค

  4. Normal day job application process to a job you're applying for that you don't really want until you realize they're giving it to other people.. people that you think you're way more qualified for than they are.๐Ÿ˜ต

  5. you wouldn't even have to ask me to work just point in the direction, point in the worst direction, point at a big pile of rocks you just want to move from one place to another and that's all I do
    Point at a sticker Bush point at a whole field of sticker bushes that you want me to pull them with my lips I'll pull that whole field with my lips okay then I'll put them stickerbushes on my bareback
    I don't care how long I have to carry those sticker bushes on my bear back I'll have somebody hit me with a stick while carrying sticker bushes on my back
    hell I'll even let you whoop me with a whip while I'm carrying a bundle of sticker bushes while getting beat with a baseball bat on the sticker bushes in bare feet on molten glass

    I was waiting for those line…..๐Ÿ˜

  6. I'm surprised that the libbies haven't gotten this taken off of YouTube. They probably don't know it's here, DONT TELL THEM!!!!

  7. The Moral of the skit is that people want respect no matter conditions they live in . They still want to be treated equally.

  8. Well…..only a half brother…….
    In Jamaica back in the day, they used to say 1 Black man was worth 2 coolie's (half Indian half Black).
    Racist of course but that was the consensus. Interesting that they'd come up with the same concept.

  9. Can't stop laughing. Key & Peele, the BEST. Aint got NO SENSE, hilarious to me! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

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