Musalman aur NRC | Stand-Up Comedy by Aariz Saiyed
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Musalman aur NRC | Stand-Up Comedy by Aariz Saiyed

February 3, 2020


Thanks for reading This is not a usual stand-up video, I mean it may not be a hilarious one but definitely something fun and new to watch and experience We recorded our last show at this same venue, was anyone from you here in that one? I worked really hard on my performance and jokes last time and gave an epic performance for the first time in my life I felt like that Went back home after the show edited and packaged the video in 3days constantly working on it day and night I was super excited to share my standup video with everyone on the internet Uploaded it..video went live Video started to pickup views and traction I thought I will checkout the comment section the next day Next day I opened the comments only to realize the very first comment was ‘Get a haircut you animal’ (pointing at the youtube viewers) Bro I got myself a haircut (talking to viewers online) whosoever commented and is watching this video I am letting them know on camera and my parents have conveyed their THANK YOU for getting me convinced to get a haircut with your comment We work so hard to put out a video for you all and people comment all this What the hell is going on in this country *audience prompts* COMMENTA (comments) COMMENTA (aariz’s way of pronouncing comments) But have you ever experienced this? You are in a public place and you see a familiar face but cant recall where have you seen them before and you are like… ‘I have seen this face before’ (confused face) ‘Oh yes! he was in my school!’ ‘But we never interacted’ Then you think to yourself ‘NOT TODAY, FUCK IT’ and then you go back to your life you do experience something like this right? I just experienced this recently I saw a face and I was like ‘where have I seen or met him before?’ He was thinking the same I read it in his eyes So he was staring at me confused and I was doing the same Then both of us ignored But he recalled and came to me later he was like ‘ummmm..youuuuuu are…’ *guessing face* ‘we were in school together right!?’ ‘what’s the name’ (trying to recall) AARIZ…AARIZ! You are Aariz right! I was like ‘yeah…Hi’ Then he was like ‘I remember your name because you were the only muslim guy in our classroom’ I said ‘I was also the only fair looking guy in the class as well’ If you are being racist then do it wholeheartedly He was like ‘ya but even pigs are fair…. but anyways ah…’ For all those watching this video, BHUND meaning PIG we call it DUKKAR in Gujarati language Then he asked me Bro there is so much issue going around in the country about CAA and NRC So many protest are going on and muslims consider this act as a threat Dont you feel scared? I said bro I come from GUJARAT state I got scared since 2002 and not from today YOU DONT SAY *amit shah voice in background* All the Hindus,sikh,jain, buddhist, christian All the Hindu refugees who have come, will be granted citizenship of India forever What does this bill say in a bigger sense? This bill states that there are some foreign immigrants who belong to this country and are our own For whom the gates of this country are always open While there are some whom we question why are you here and this is not where you should be and those ‘some’ are who? MUSLIMS But now you know, now I feel now you know I am Shitting in my pants thinking about it my friend: WHAT? I said I am… Shitting in my pants (whispering) my friend: WHAT WHAT? I was like ‘I AM SHITTING MY PANTS!’ *audience interaction* What’s your name sir? audience: Aashish So Ashish whenever you are having a bad day you must be reminding yourself right ‘C’mon ashish you are a warrior’ fuck the bad day man you are a warrior’ You can make this day right and better man c’mon you are a warrior! right!? But I’ve always motivated myself saying C’mon Aariz you are a survivor #2002 You have lived year 2002 in Gujarat and you feel scared entering the middle birth of a train!? HOP IN MAN! I fear Middle births in trains a lot What if someday I am sleeping on the middlebirth and a fat guy as fat as a Sumo wrestler is sleeping on the top birth and if his birth breaks, what happens then? Then you get a muslim nonveg sandwich That too Halal! People say this bill is against the minorities People say this bill is against the muslim community Guys I never knew that all those comments I get on my Youtube channel saying ‘GO BACK TO PAKISTAN’ Are coming from parliament I really never knew! Had I knew it, I would have never blocked those comments, There is full democracy on my youtube channel You can bark, oh sorry you can speak whatever you want to on my channel I find it really ironic when people comment GO BACK TO PAKISTAN Its ironic because I have nobody in PAK. no relative no friend nothing, so why the hell would I go there man!? WHY WOULD AND SHOULD I GO TO PAK!? Even if I had someone there why would I go? This land is my mother goddess! (saying it in a filmy way) bless me with strength mother goddess ! Interviewer: So all these official Id proofs like Aadhar, voter card and all documents Interviewer: All this doesn’t prove one’s nationality in this country? Amit shah: No Amit shah: This doesn’t prove anything Amit Shah: And Aadharcard specifically doesn’t prove anything at all What was so urgently problematic about this issue with citizenship that You don’t want to first solve or talk about the country’s bigger problems like unemployment, recession or the troubles and pain of farmers are not even being focused upon, solved or even mentioned right now by the government but they are emphasizing more upon implementing CAA and NRC first rather than focusing on bigger problems that needs urgent attention WHY!? Is it rational to take this step right now when our country is facing the highest unemployment rate recorded in 45years These numbers are shared by government I am not making this up But what are you worrying about? What are you worrying about? Whoever is watching this video right now if you find it offending Then look I am warning you, don’t even try to scare me with your comments here I have anyways always lived scared. I’ve always been scared so please don’t waste your time. TIME IS MONEY (Time for some musical comedy) (quick brief for all the musician watching) (I am using a podhd500x to loop a guitar riff for this original) FYI: There were a total of 80 people in this room. FYI all the less informed viewers This is a looper pedal (used to loop music) Don’t think I am cheating you guys by playback track, I have looped this right now LIVE (no need to think I am spreading a wrong message amongst muslims with this song or my act, A wise audience realizes these are all jokes with sarcasm. Just look what’s going around in my country? You are not my own says my own country!? *super sarcastic high recall sexy dance move* *Sarcastic camera look 1* *Sarcastic camera look 2* *Sarcastic camera look 3* No freedom to speak in this democracy but full freedom to bark in this country *lame barking with a not so hidden sarcastic punch* Waah Modiji Waah *lame barking with a not so hidden sarcastic punch* (haters gonna hate potatos gonna potate) Just kidding guys just kidding PHATTE MERI GAND (I am shitting in my pants in hindi) (FYI: GAND means ASS) PHATTE MERI GAND (can also mean I am shit scared in hindi) PHATTE MERI GAND in my own Hindustan Phatte meri gand (I feel shit scared) In my own Hindustan First they wanted to throw out black money from this country Now they wanna throw out people from this country I don’t have a problem with it I got all my ID proofs. I am not worried for myself But I find it a bit strange that only muslim community has been excluded from this act It really felt like this country FRIENDZONED one particular community Muslims just got FRIENDZONED by the Government But the only good thing that happened amidst all this chaos is that People from all communities came together to support each other and stand for each other Some authorities in Delhi got worried thinking ‘Sir I think our step just got backfired’ This is our Hindustan and we were the bulbul (birds) of this garden and now we feel like

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  1. SO DAMN UNDERRATED! You deserve more views and subscribers.

    And btw, ive never subscribed this quick after watching one video for like 3 min

  2. You really brought out a different way of comedy and Indian screwed patriarchy (Good one but when is the next video coming lol)

  3. Breaking news bhaktandu gand jallo ki bhari matra me girawat ayi aise hi raha to dilli cunaw ke baad gufa me hi payen jayenge ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ

  4. Kya song banaya fate meri gand …. Oho fate meri gaaaaaaaaaaaaaan ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  5. Kya original content hai bhai! Very well thought out! The NRC topic was a good touch with practically showing democracy by reading the chits out. But the guitar expressions man! BANG ON! That was literally THE FUNNIEST part of the whole act!
    When are you coming to Bombay? Would love to see your act LIVE!

  6. Just wrote some lines in your support buddy & yeah really loved the video

    Mai nhi hu from Pakistan
    Mere shakal bhi dekh jese salman khan
    Phirse agar aya ye modi meri jaan
    Toa dub jayega mera hindustan
    Isiliye toa toa toa toa ting ting ting
    Phate meri gaand fate meri gaand.๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜› I find it funny as i imagine you singing this line with that facial expression awesome yar
    Keep going keep growing buddy

  7. Bhai ye hame baatne wale politician ayege aur niklege…..pr India ka idea na aajtk koi mita paya hai naa hi ye chutiye BJP wale mita payege.

  8. Koi bhi muslim kahi ni jaa ra india se
    Hum log saath khade hai๐Ÿค˜๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿป
    Chahe sikh ya hindu โค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธFaad lo jitne bill faadne … modi g

  9. Bhai Abhi mooche bhi katwale, warna Pakistan to nahi but China zarur bhej denge. Pachi phaat se taari Gaand๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ.

  10. Wah Bhai Dil Jeet liya ye gunde Jo modi n Amit shah ne pale h jinko hum bhkt khte h yahi log modi ki bhakti m desh barbaad KR denge coz inko samjh nh aara..

  11. Awesome man … I'm watching your videos from your first upload..

    Every indian have to right to live in this country..
    I appreciate your thoughts and method to Bring them in people

  12. Bhai Thoda writting sudhar baki content mast ane tera daring boss เชฎเชœเชพ เช†เชตเซ€ เช—เชˆ

  13. Smajya vagr no hobado but nic comedy but sry I support BJP kyo ki bhai godhra me 2 lakh muslim ho gaye hai ๐Ÿ˜… ab jagh nhi hai

  14. Mai insaniyat pe nirbhar hun ariz bhai apne hindu me itne kameen log hain jo saale aone bhai kee kuch nahi samjhte aur aise ache insaan bhi dekhen hai jo gairon ko apna bana ke jeete hain so. Sab insaniyat pe nirbhar karta hai. Aap ache to ham ache aap kharab. To bhi maine banna acha hee hai.

  15. Faltu yaar parties ne apne religions baat liye he or log chutiyo ki tarah ladte rahte he

    Bhenchod issi chakkar me 3 mahine se TV nahi dekhi he

    Koi kahi maa chudwa raha he to koi kahi

  16. You deserve 10M subscriber ..

    What a performance bro !..
    Great bro..โ™ฅ๏ธโ™ฅ๏ธโ™ฅ๏ธ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน

  17. Bhai bhot accha laga yarr tumhara videos… I have seen every video and just waiting to see you live brother… You are awesome

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