The Alternative Constitution
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The Alternative Constitution

September 15, 2019

There’s sure been a lot
of hullabaloo going on with President Trump’s
last executive order. Where he banned non-citizens
from 7 predominantly Muslim countries… from entering the United States. And a lot of people,
including me had questions, like… ‘Why is Trump Doing this?’ ‘Is this even constitutional?’ ‘What In the [bleep]? ‘ Well, we finally have an
answer why Trump is doing this. Historians confirmed the
existence of another constitution. And it’s called the
“Alternative Constitution.” We only know of two copies,
one of which an archeologist found cradled in the mouth of a large golden snake-pig
deity hidden in a deep underground cave. And Trump was accidentally given
the only other copy when he was a teen. He’s working from the wrong constitution,
and he doesn’t even know it. Here for example is
the normal Constitution. “Congress shall make no law respecting
an establishment of religion.” However, Trump’s Alt-Constitution
goes further than that, adding… “…but if a handsome brave,
scared President makes an executive order that
favors one religion over another, he shall only experience pure ecstasy.” Of course Trump felt justified
banning green card holders, his Constitution says… “They with cards of green
should be kept away by any means, by wall, by force, or with magic beans.” It looks like many have tried to
destroy the Alternative Constitution, but it has some sort of
dark magic protecting it. However, even the Alternative Constitution doesn’t explain all of Trump’s actions. As it turns out, Trump has also been looking
at the wrong Statue of Liberty. France sent us the
one on Liberty Island, but apparently Russia sent an
identical one a few years later. It’s much smaller, in Queens, where Trump
walked by it all the time growing up. This other Statue’s plaque
reads a little different, too. It says, “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses
yearning to breath free… so that we may lock them
in tiny rooms for days only to send them back where
we think they came from. Fear outsiders. Fear outsiders. Fear outsiders. Fear outsiders.
Fear outsiders.” [stammers] It just kind of keeps
repeating that fear outsiders part. He really has been living
in a world a little off from ours. A world that’s a little
meaner, a lot dumber… and a whole lot less thought through. Finally all makes sense. Right? He’s not making these
moves because he’s an idiot. He’s making these moves because
he’s lookin’ at all the wrong stuff. Poor little guy. So please, if anyone’s watching
who might be near President Trump, swap out his cursed constitution
for a real one, as soon as you can. It’s truly for his own good. If he doesn’t, he’s bound to keep
making embarrassing mistakes like he did this weekend. Mr. Trump, if you are watching, which you
may be doing because you… don’t read, and you have a true knack for finding
examples of people criticizing you… we are very sorry. Your Constitution is just
not the one that we use. There are more copies
of the real one. So that’s the one we’re going with. Help us help Trump by getting
him the real copies of the Constitution. – The Statue of Liberty.
– Bible. – Declaration of Independence.
– DC Transit Turnstyle Numbers. The Gettysburg Address. Seasons 1-7 of the The West Wing. And the McDonald’s nutrition
facts that we are all familiar with. It’ll help get him on the
same page as all of us. Because we are [bleep] if we don’t.

Only registered users can comment.

  1. It´s so comforting to know that celebrities watch over us and tell us what to do, they´re just so much better than us peons, morally, intellectually, in every conceivable way.

  2. Apparently, these people aren't aware that the US Constitution only applies to people who are US citizens? What the fuck guys?

    Funny or die? This was about as funny as the Holocaust. So, die.

  3. I feel like a bunch of spoiled brat rich kid Manhattan 5th graders have just lectured me on the truth of a "hard knock life" and constitutional legality when I'm a constitutional lawyer from south Philly. I'm actually quite upset.

  4. lol, the Constitution is written for the citizens of the UNITED STATES, not for the citizens of Iran, Iraq, Syria, etc. I get that this is supposed to be satire, but if you can easily poke holes in the satire, it just falls apart and turns to rubble. The best political satire is anything with a strong foundation, in order to make you think about a certain issue. This has no foundation. Instead, it's trying to trick you into thinking there's a foundation, in order for you not to think. Hell, I wouldn't even classify this as "satire", but more as propaganda with a veneer of "satire". What more can I say? Ummmm, swing and a miss?

  5. Ouch. Hardcore 'die' on this one. Didn't even crack a smile even though I think Trump is a dick. You had all that material to draw from and you made this. Why is this a thing? It's a bunch of creative people being cringy and then calling it a day. So, so cringy.

  6. It is cool that according to these people you cant stop people from any country apart from atheist countries, take that China

  7. i wasn't aware we lived in an alternate reality where people who aren't part of the US have our constitution applied to them…

    then again im guessing this is some sort of alternate "funny"

  8. As a TV and movie buff, I only recognized about the 5 of those celebrities, and even the ones I recognized aren't that well known anymore. Its almost like Dancing With The Stars. But they still haven't figured out that people are going to be persuaded by their dumb PSAs anymore.

  9. Are you guys hiding behind the Constitution now while completely misinterpreting it at the same time? Just when you think celebrities can't get any dumber… this comes along and makes you face palm yourself so hard you have to do a double take. Keep these gems coming, it's not at all funny in the way these actors we're hoping for it to be. More like a train wreck you just can't look away from.

  10. Would it stand to reason that if it was a ban on Muslims, all muslim countries would be banned? and not just a minority? The Constitution says nothing about not being able to put a temporary ban on terrorism riddled countries, if it had to do with a religion being favored over another then all of the muslim countries would be banned and not just a few who are notorious for terrorism.

  11. Listening to Hollywood liberals attempting to explain the constitution is like watching a dog chase its tail. Except a dog won't cry hate speech when if you call it a moron for doing so. Also, isn't funny or die supposed to be FUNNY? Everyone fully understands there's a massive liberal bias in our media, but damn. You have to at least make an attempt at humor.

  12. You people are not funny, and I find your condescension insulting at best. We finally have a president who is keeping his promises…..and where was you great wisdom, while Obama was dropping bombs on civilians in 3rd world countries….you know, the mass murderer who won the Noble Peace Prize, who kept America at war after he promised to end it? Trump didn't divide your country…..Obama did. People wanted a change, and you wanted Hillary Clinton….the most corrupt politician in American history….just because she was a women. She wanted to start a war with Syria and Russia…..a war that would lead to World War three. Trump wants to make peace with Russia, and work with them to stop ISIS and terrorism, but no….Trump is in league with Russia. From the bottom of my heart…..FUCK OFF YOU IGNORANT HYPOCRATES!

  13. The EO imposes a 90-day suspension of immigrant and nonimmigrant admission of aliens from countries designated in section 217(a)(12) of the Immigration and Nationality Act (INA), which excludes aliens who have been present in a specified country from participating in the Visa Waiver program.

    The president's authority to declare such suspensions can been found in section 212(f) of the INA, the pertinent part of which reads as follows:

    "(f) Whenever the President finds that the entry of any aliens or of any class of aliens into the United States would be detrimental to the interests of the United States, he may by proclamation, and for such period as he shall deem necessary, suspend the entry of all aliens or any class of aliens as immigrants or nonimmigrants, or impose on the entry of aliens any restrictions he may deem to be appropriate."
    The 90-day suspension can be waived on a case-by-case basis.

  14. This video has a lot in common with the Feminist Ghost Busters trailer, and no it's not just the dislikes! But pushing an agenda that everyone can see is bullshit.

  15. This isn't even funny. The government has a perfect right to turn away any foreigner for any reason regardless. These Hollywood assholes not only want to give US rights to every POS in the Middle East, they want to set them up with full welfare and AA benefits

  16. If it was a Muslim ban, all Muslim countries would be included, but oh…..they are not. And the first amendment is actually about not declaring a state religion and guaranteeing free speech. "We the People" means "We the American citizenry".

  17. I can see the obvious mistake, see, we all thought the constitution only applied on americans… I guess the US government will have to go enforce the constitution and prevent every countries from limiting fire arms possession.

  18. Just love the B list celebs running to possibly up their Hollwood influence and contact list by making Constitutionally illiterate and complete regressive propaganda. To see who can out virtue signal the next! You guys are sooooo edgy! Stick to acting libtards because you suck at political propaganda and false hysteria hype. Epic fail!

  19. if your going to make political funny you might want to know what the hell you are talking about first. so if this is funny or die, well you died by your own hands and pathetic understanding of the Constitution.

  20. By Joe Bilello – Fox News @Joe_BilelloEarlier this month, actress Susan Sarandon and a group of other apparent celebrities no one has heard of released a “Funny or Die” video claiming that President Trump was working from an "alternative Constitution." They cited a series of falsehoods surrounding the president's executive order on travel and immigration, proclaiming it was at odds with the laws inscribed in the United States Constitution.The irony of their attempt at humor was not just that it wasn't funny. The irony was not just the fact that, if you’re going to use the Constitution or any laws to support your argument, at least make sure the wording is vague and does not clearly and specifically reject your argument, as it does in the case of Trump’s immigration order."Whenever the President finds that the entry of any aliens or of any class of aliens into the United States would be detrimental to the interests of the United States, he may by proclamation, and for such period as he shall deem necessary, suspend the entry of all aliens or any class of aliens as immigrants or nonimmigrants, or impose on the entry of aliens any restrictions he may deem to be appropriate." -The Immigration and Nationality Act of 1952Seems pretty cut and dry. What’s all this debate about? How does someone obtain a law degree, or even a GED, if they cannot comprehend the straight-forward language contained within this law?But the true irony is that the radical left has suddenly developed admiration and respect for the Constitution of the United States of America now that Donald Trump is president. The same folks who seem to release a daily anti-Second Amendment PSA or continuously partake in violent protest in an attempt to shut down other's First Amendment rights have now decided that the Constitution is something to be revered and cherished.The American left has always had a love-hate relationship with the Constitution. When it fits their agenda, it is a brilliant document which must be uncompromised and strictly adhered to in order to maintain justice and uphold the values of America. When it is at odds with their agenda, it is a living, breathing document, misinterpreted, outdated, and subject to change with the times. It's a centuries-old parchment written by out-of-touch men who could not possibly see what the future might have in store.Whether it be law contained within the Constitution or otherwise, or simply historical precedent, the left's love and reverence has always been very selective.We are a nation of immigrants, they decry. Any perceived resistance to the allowance of complete and total unfettered immigration is seen as un-American, perhaps even hypocritical given the fact that we are all the sons and daughters of immigrants, they claim.But we are also a nation that guarantees its citizens the right to bear arms. That constitutional right however was misguided, or at the very least, long outdated, according to anti-gun advocates. The King's men aren't about to kick in your door against your will, right? The founders, with their time-consuming, single-shot, black-powder, muzzle-loading long rifles could not have envisioned a semi-automatic AR-15 with a laser-guided scope and 30-round magazine, right?But if you apply the same logic to immigration, it is not as openly embraced by those on the left. Times have changed and America's need or desire for mass immigration may have changed. The founders could not have envisioned a Syrian refugee crisis or radical Islamic terror groups like ISIS and Al Qaeda, right? Perhaps in 2017, the United States doesn't necessarily need your tired, poor, huddled masses yearning to breathe free, demand a living wage and get free healthcare. And there is always the inconvenient fact that the immigrants of the past they are referring to went through a legal process to enter the United States.When a defiant Kentucky county clerk refused to issue marriage licenses to gay couples, the response from the left was universal. Gay marriage is the law of the land and must be recognized by all federal and state government agencies, they told us. An individual does not have the right to disregard the law based on their personal religious beliefs or for any other reason for that matter. The law is the law!Strangely though, that same mandatory adherence to the law is not applied in regards to immigration. Democrat mayors, governors, city councils and college presidents not only turn a blind eye to the law but openly promote the defiance of it as they proudly proclaim "sanctuary" cities and college campuses.The election of Donald Trump has led to an unprecedented level of love and admiration for the Constitution by American liberals, even if the Constitution doesn’t apply. Or, even if the Constitution specifically runs counter to their argument.But their love for the rule of law has always been the same. If they like the law, it must be abided by all. If they don’t like it, it is their patriotic duty to tirelessly oppose it, fight to change it or, if all else fails, simply ignore it.

  21. why do celebrities do stupid stuff like things. god you guys make yourself look so stupid. stick with what you are good at acting. not trying to pretend you know what goes on in the world. the "real Constitution", protects its citizens not people wanting to become them. fuck

  22. I can't remember the last time I saw anything from Funny or Die which did not warrant the makers to commit seppuku.

  23. aaaaaaaand the supreme court just unanimously declared that there is nothing illegal or unconstitutional about the executive order, which will go into effect within 72 hours. recent events make this painfully unfunny video look even worse.

  24. I choose to die thank you very much….I'm surprised you don't pull the good old plug on the comments by the way….Or are you looking for material in your comment sections?
    Or that mean comment that makes your fee-fees go berserk and you can use for another video of complaining.

  25. lmao. This is funny because it sucks so hard. Swing, and a miss. Who the hell wrote the "jokes"? jesus tap dancing christ. stick to the serious style outraged c-list celebrity monologue montages. the comedy is so cring worthy. i need a shower now. echk!

  26. How is it the same page and same elitist hacks that constantly virtue signal how progressive they are and even says it's wrong, are taking the moral high ground after misreading the constitution and then being ablist shit suckers

  27. Our celebrities fucking suck. Nobody cares how your rich fucking elite society collective mind thinks. We want jobs and lower taxes so we don't have to live paycheck to paycheck trying to feed our familys.

  28. funny they talk about the constitution but they won't support the second amendment and when the constitution was written. Muslims were still riding camels and kept to their geographic region. It was written for the time period when America had to built and for the economy to Florish not invite millions of people to an already established country

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